Today I cried in front of my boss while begging for a loan to pay for my brother’s medicine. I just can’t stop the tears from falling after a very hard day of approaching almost everybody I know in trying to borrow for the much needed cash. And what’s more hurting is when the person you love most won’t even bother in helping you out.

I just don’t know why I feel so emotional. Maybe it was just brought about by the humiliation of being turned down countless times or the urgency of the pressing need. But the fact is I really cried non-stop in front of everybody at work and I find it quite appalling and shameful.

While I recollect the events of the day tears still sting my eyes. I know that, what I am crying about is a very petty thing, insignificant, nonsense. I grew up as a very irresponsible person. I never had helped my family in anyway financially. I spend all the money I earn for myself and self alone. I am care-free. When my mother airs her concern for money I would quote her with my favorite verse from the bible “Look at the birds in the sky they don’t have storage rooms or barns; God feeds them! You are worth so much more than birds…………. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have enough worries of its own.” which will of course start my mothers ranting and sermon.

Maybe, finally I am becoming responsible…. but seeing your younger brother sick and bloating from allergy would really make any sane person panicking. I dragged my sick brother to the hospital amidst my mothers protest that a dose of sugar will ease the bloating. But with the fear that the allergy would affect his internal organs, and with high hopes that the doctor in the hospital would be of help we of course found ourselves in the hospital. (Allergy was brought about by the antibiotics he had been taking for his swelling wound). He was then given a shot of anti-allergy and a prescription of a stronger antibiotic by a newbie doctor which of course was the cause of more bloating the following morning. So again my brother was brought to the hospital and another shot of anti-allergy was given but this time sans antibiotic for it was the culprit of the unwanted bloating. And Praise God my brother is better now and slowly recovering from the allergy. And so this happening was the cause of my need for cash earlier this day….

But of course the realization hit me that I am now a more responsible individual… hah at least this musing today had made me feel better and renewed. J

Today is but one of those ordinary days. Get up late, went to school late and blabber non-stop in front of my students. Life can sometimes be wearisome and boring. (*yawn*). Much as I wanted to blog everyday I really can’t do it because I am always busy (BUSY AS IN!!!). That is why Joey still holds the record for our top 1 pc game these days the Ever addicting Dynomite, Whew I just can’t wait to beat him really soon when I am not that busy.

Let me think of things that make me busy. Midterm exams are coming so I am busy thinking of the questions I’ll gonna give my students. And again because midterm is scheduled next week it means that I’ll be busy checking the piles of seat works, quizzes, assignments and exams. After checking of course I have to compute the grades because students’ grades are due one week after the exam. And to top it all I’ll also be busy reviewing my contestants for the upcoming National Tagisan ng Talino. We will be traveling all the way to Manila to compete because we garnered the gold medal for the Think Quest Competition in the recently concluded Regional Competition. J(We won because of our 101% prayer and a pinch of hard work).

Now I am considering if I am indeed busy. Or am I just imagining? I am a great procrastinator. Deadline is my inspiration; it is my motivation. I always feel busy but actually I am not accomplishing anything. Thoughts often crowd my mind, that I just can’t organize a thing. Ahhh this musing aint leading me anywhere so I better stop and clear my head.

I get fatter and fatter everyday and I aint doing anything about it. I’ll go jogging with Joey tomorrow, promise. (hehehehhehe..)

Classes are in full swing again…. I’m handling 31 units of load for this semester and it is not an easy task … but I am not complaining… I can deal with another 3 units or better yet 6. :)

In front of me are piles of examination booklets from the recently concluded prelim exam … I am handling 9 classes of 6 different subjects from analog and digital electronics to differential calculus… but I am coping really well (very, very well indeed). I personally do all the checking of my students’ test papers…and after hours of correcting, I am glad to discover that a good number of my students did well in the exam. What better consolation there is from the weariness and difficulty of teaching? To see your students learn and flourish. Ahhhh…this is purely exhilarating…..

As a teacher I have seen different levels of intelligence… and I have realized that indeed every person had a unique calling in life… most of the students that had come my way had a below average intelligence… maybe I am rating them unfairly and subjectively… but these students can’t even add negative numbers, they can’t correctly spell common words, and worst they can’t even understand simple instructions. So are these students hopeless? No I don’t think so… the only problem is, they haven’t realized what they really want in life. Do they lack the intelligence to really know what they want? Oh but I really don’t know… what are the factors that make a person intelligent? Is it the genes? The environment? or the milk? Heheehhehe… this musing of mine is not doing me any good. I am just sure of one thing though… that I am really doing my very best to impart the knowledge and wisdom that is bestowed upon me…. As the line of Spiderman goes: “with great power comes great responsibilities” (am I stating it right? Hehehhe).

I AM BECOMING HOPELESS!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

Sometimes nostalgia sweeps over me… reminiscence of the persons whom I lost in this lifetime makes me poignant. Until now I still miss my beloved Lola… after a year of her death my Lolo followed…. And then just recently my father-in-law passed away too. These persons have a special place in my heart and I can’t help but feel sad everytime thoughts of them come across me… I pray that they had finally found lasting peace… I just don’t know why I am writing about this here… well maybe I just feel really gloomy today…..and who cares?

I’m back to work since June 14 everything’s well… so far so good… got a new bunch of students and I’m quite happy to become part of their lives. Seeing their enthusiastic faces makes me eager to share everything I know and to really give the best education there is to offer. I just can’t believe that I really have this passion for teaching hehehhehehehehe… I just can’t imagine myself doing anything but teach (hehehhehehe).

Memories of Bali had finally ended… after months of really giving my full, undivided attention during the time slot of this Korean soap opera… I opted not to see the tragic ending. Well thanks to my friends in school for totally spoiling the suspense of it’s ending…hehehhehehe… at least it saved me from pain of its very sad finale… particularly since I had developed a very big attachment to Erika, Paulo and Ryan and that I often think that my husband looks like Paulo/Ryan (depending upon who makes Erika happy for the day) hahahahhaha (* Pathetic *sigh*sigh* I am doing a very big injustice to my Joey since my heart tells me that Joey’s far more handsome than these two Korean actors bwahahahahahhahahahhaha…. Oooooppppsss.. Don’t read this entry if you wouldn’t want to agree with me). Well anyway this soap opera had really entertained me during my bum days… and was the highlight of my day. I just wouldn’t wish for any rewind of this program because it will ruin the ending I have designed to believe in…

Well this writing had really brighten my day… this will be all for now… I’m really sleepy… ZZZZZZZzzzzzz…..

musing

I feel so gloomy today……it seems that a very big injustice was made…. over and done with a good cry and it made me feel better and renewed … I am now letting go of the pain and bitterness I experienced earlier...

I know I do need to re-examine myself… what do I want from life? Where would I want to be? And what would really make me happy?

I felt so low and dejected a while ago because my expectations were not met…. I am not hoping for anything big… just a little bit augment on what we were getting before would surely make our hearts overflow with gratitude and would motivate us to give the best shot we can muster … but no…. we were informed bluntly that we should not anticipate for anything.. For nothing would be given.

This is the very first time that I felt so dissatisfied and sad with the path I am trudging …. It’s not the quantity that matters for it’s very minimal... it’s the feeling that comes with every raise… the feeling of being appreciated and treasured.

But I can never let this discontentment linger… for this will surely ruin the zeal I have for my profession… with fervor I look forward for another school year of challenges and fun.

CHEERS!

Yesterday my parents celebrated there 35th year anniversary… I just can’t help but feel proud and happy for both of them.. and I am looking forward to their Golden Wedding Anniversary. J

Today I feel busy… been up early and was out of the house till afternoon. T’was not a very good day.. I was made to do things I am not comfortable of doing and was forced to mingle with people I really don’t know. Funny huh? Am really an introvert and I have a hard time blending with people…. but oftentimes I don’t have a choice, like what happened to me today… whaaaaaaa….. I feel tired and useless….

We have an earthquake this afternoon… a very mild one but I feel my chair swaying… so I ran out of my room only to find out that I am all alone in the house..hhehehehehe….

Today for a change I woke up early… and I really don’t know why I can’t force my self to go back to sleep…. Had been a bum for more than two months now and I’ve been getting used to it.. I am up till the wee hours of the morning playing all the games the PC had to offer, go to sleep when I can’t open my eyes anymore and drag myself out of bed to have lunch. My afternoons pass so swiftly that I barely notice it is dusk again. I hate going out of the house… but classes will be back on the 14th so I had to accept the fact that I’ll be working again. *sigh*

But the truth is….. I do look forward to this coming school year… another year of challenges… (as if hehehhehehe)… I will be meeting new faces…I will be teaching new subjects and I will again feel the sense of accomplishment and pride seeing my students grow… and become better persons hmmmmm… I will forever be a teacher by heart and soul…. I am trapped here by choice….

My long break had given me time to unwind, relax, and re-evaluate things in my life….Long had I stopped dreaming dreams … but now that I feel renewed it feels that all of the things I wanted so much in life are but a reach away… I am seeing things in a new perspective… and it makes me become more optimistic and animated in facing everything life has to offer.

CHEERS!!!

pond

pond

having a great time in a small pond... still in a very long vacation... classes will be back on the 13th of june... and i'm really bored doing nothing.

miss me?

after more than a month of being silent finally here i am back still alive and blogging...

for a month of course tons of things had happened.. the first blow is my father in-law died... after 4 years of under going hemodialysis because of his end stage renal failure he finally rested... he had a severe infection in his lungs and was the cause of his death. I was really saddened by his death because he was indeed like a father to me and i deeply cared for him.... we have our share of endless talks... but i know i should also be thankful for he finally rested and i pray that he finally found a lasting peace wherever he may be.

That poses a big question now..where do we go after death? well as a person born and raised as a catholic i do believe in life after death... seeing my father in-law's last breath had somehow console me in my fear of dying... he had a very peaceful death... he had drawn his last breath after our rosary prayer... well it was really painful... but i really have to be strong for my husband because i know it would be doubly painful for him. I believe that my father in-law is ready in facing death for he had been ill for four years and he is a very religious person.... what really frightens me about death is the thought of purgatory.. i had read somewhere that the suffering and pain in purgatory is incomparable to any pain and suffering we had gone trough in this life.... huhuhuhuuh... i just can't imagine how painful that is... sinful as i am... :( and that we should really pray for the souls in purgatory for our prayers would be of big help for this suffering souls.

Well another news is we already had closed down our computer rental business... it's not doing good so we have no other choice but to shut it down... and so we are broke. huhuhuhuuh....

And of course classes had ended... but still here i am reporting to school everyday because i have to finish the grades of my students and the reports... after this i am free as a bird... well indeed like a bird because i don't have anything to spend for vacation. hehehhehe.

today my mom is celebrating her 56th birthday! hope she'll have a wonderful day.

Happy Birthday Mamang!

How energizing it is to have the whole day for yourself… whole day to sleep.. eat and then sleep again.. how refreshing.. a beautiful life indeed. Hehhehehe.

I sleep 12 hours straight today and it’s refreshing.. how I wish I could sleep 12 hours daily hehehehehhe. I am a real lazy person… and I don’t have dreams.. plans nah..nothing!!!

It’s a national holiday last Friday because we celebrated the 19th anniversary of EDSA REVOLUTION… hmmmmnnn… fine… I hope and pray that Philippines will soon rise from its present condition… huhuhuhuuuhu.. it makes my heart bleed to see the situation that my beloved country is facing… but well Filipinos are survivors… and happiness is but just a state of mind… I just hope that my fellowmen will all realize this and will always see life in its brightest side… the way I do. hehehhehe

Sometimes I wonder if im indeed a worthless person… I always hear brilliant people say that one should always have dreams, plans etc. Honestly speaking I don’t have one for a long time… and I can’t clearly remember when did I stop dreaming… hehehhehehhe. I am really hopeless.

Well maybe i will start dreaming again starting today.. hmmmn... :)

My Mom is afflicted with Bell’s palsy her face is a little bit distorted… it pains me to see her that way and I pray that she’ll recover soon. She’ll be celebrating her 56th birthday on the 28th and hopefully by that time her face will be back to normal.

Everything is well for my brother Toto and I praise God for this… chatted with him and jean earlier and I’m glad to see them both happy.

Me I am not feeling so well… I don’t have appetite to eat these last few days and I’m feeling weak. I really don’t know why. Well I just had started with my exercise program again.. well maybe this is the reason why I feel tired and weak.

I’m a little bit busy in school this week. I have to finish the summative evaluation of the teachers under me. I have to come inside their classes and observe them.. hahahah… as if I am an expert. Huh! Well I don’t enjoy doing this job knowing that I am making them uncomfortable inside their class. But anyway I have to do it.

Of course I really have dropped from my masteral class but joriel is trying to motivate me to attend classes again saying that I’m not missing anything from class hahahah. But it really feels good to sleep non-stop on Saturdays and Sunday because when Monday comes you’ll feel refreshed and ready to face the whole week. Well maybe this is but just a sign that I’m really growing old.

That’s all for today… :)

it is monday and i am looking forward for a great week ahead. :)

it's barely a month before the final exams of the students... a long vacation is waiting. Yipeee!!

friday!!!

it's friday and tomorrow i'm totally free.... i finally dropped from my masteral class so i can sleep non-stop all day long.

The whole week went well.. nothing special... Monday would be valentines day... in time for our teachers' day... we'll be having some activities at school but at least it would mean rest from talking non-stop in front of my students.

I have been fascinated with tickle web quizzes.. hehehehe. It seems that i have taken all their offered quizzes online....

paranoia

I am afflicted with paranoia … I have this growing suspicion that people at the office are backbiting me… :) who cares? Hehehhehehe.

I have a very bad migraine last night which placed me in the verge of vomiting everything I have eaten earlier… well this sickness was triggered by my missed cup of coffee…. I was really trying to live a healthy life style… by cutting on coke and coffee… hehehehe. So today I am back with my cup of coffee and bottles of coke. (Happy!!!)

I have so many things in my head now… and I just want to pour things out to feel lighter. I have a very bad temper today…and I send Marwin out of the café because he’s not performing his job … he has this I don’t care charisma and he’s too lazy to do anything but chat chat and chat all day long. I am never a slave driver.. I am very humane in dealing with him and treat him like a younger brother… his laziness just get on my nerves today and have brought me ranting…

Finally I have decided to stop attending my Masteral class … it’s a waste of my worthless time
:(

I just don’t understand why can’t my husband support me with my plan of joining the business venture of my superiors… he changed his mind so suddenly and left me hanging in the process… ahhhh this is really unfair…

And a parent of one of our students came to school yesterday looking for me… he’s boiling hot with rage because he doesn’t want her daughter to join in our educational trip in Cebu City… he raved really nasty things to me… “that trip is useless”.. “my daughter won’t learn anything from that trip” blah blah blah… and of course I just keep cool and explained nicely that we are not forcing her daughter to join the said trip… her daughter has the option of doing a special project instead… and that if he can’t afford to send his daughter he has no right to say offensive things about our upcoming trip… oh my I am in the verge of losing my patience… hmmmmnn… it’s really sad… knowing that this person is also a teacher himself.

Well that’s all and thanks to blogging I feel good and renewed. :)

I am in the computer laboratory now and my students are performing their lab exercise.. so as usual here I am hopping from one blog to another… checking e-mails re-checking it, blink a bit and wish that I could lie down and sleep .hehehhe.

I am super duper sleepy now because I stayed up until 3in the morning… reading a big, thick novel with a very boring plot and an expected ending… he he he…and because of that novel I was absent in my first class today…

Today I feel really.. really lazy.. tired.. bored and I don’t feel like teaching.. as in I don’t have the motivation to go to work anymore… ahhhhhhhhhhh

It's really hot inside the computer lab now... one of the airconditioning unit is down....

I have nothing to write my mind is blank.... :(

our cozy place!

clutter of the house :) 

I was present in my Masteral class yesterday.. for a change... hehhehehe... my classmates are quite surprise with my attendance... well after months of being absent they’ve probably missed me.. hehhehehe (the truth is nobody noticed that I’ve been missing from class… including our professor. J)
Well I was so bored that I’ve chosen not to come back in the afternoon class. (loser!!!)

We again have a luncheon party in my parents’ house in honor of Lola with all the relatives around… I am sure most of them will see me as Miss Smarty pants… it’s just that I have nothing nice to say to them and I hate chit-chats…

Relative: how are you?
Answer: fine.
Relative: You have gain weight!!!
Answer: Thank You!
Relative: do u have baby now?
Answer: uh none.
Relative: why???
Answer: My husband and I are both barren…. Hehehhe.
Relative Again: huh!! you should consider adopting a baby.
Answer: ( no more answer because I am already gone without saying goodbye…)

So instead of having such kind of conversation I choose not to come near anybody I don’t like. We have a very big network of relatives… and there have always been conflicts… so I just don’t understand the point of them all seeing each other… to patch things up??? I don’t think so…

But in fairness some of my cousins are very close to me… because we grew up in one big house together… but some half aunts and uncles are not that nice… (half because my grandparents are both widowed… so before they were married they have children in their previous marriages. Lola had 2 sons with her first husband and Lolo had 2 sons and 1 daughter with his first wife. And so my mom is the product of the union of Lolo and Lola together with 3 uncles and 2 aunts… We are a very big family indeed! So to sum it all My Mom has 3 brothers, 3 half brothers, 2 sisters, and one half sister :)

Done some reading last night because I can’t sleep… and when I finally feel sleepy I can’t stop reading… hehehehhe… I was so absorbed with the novel I was reading that I lack sleep today and I feel really… really sleepy… (Yawn) .

I’ll attend my Saturday class tomorrow… promise!

Later today my brother will finally take the plunge… he’ll finally say his I do’s with Mary Jean the girl of his dreams… I wish them the best and pray that they’ll love and uphold each other till the end of their days.

How about me? I’ve been married for a year and yet I’m not pregnant… but it doesn’t bother me… because as of now I don’t long for a baby (i'm selfish)… oh but my hubby would really love to have a child…. But I believe that we are both not ready for an added responsibility…

Our friends and family keep on bugging us about having a baby… why can’t they just leave us alone???? We’re enjoying our life and that what matters most.. with or without a baby we’ll enjoy each others company…