Musing 001

I'm back after almost a year of being silent... I've started with a Journal actually using the David RM software.... but I've realized that I can't bring my laptop to US so I have no other choice but to write here and be true to myself.......I am just thinking of creating a new account and just keep it private.. would it be possible..... anyway here I am again thinking out loud......

YES our application as US Immigrants was already approved... that was really an unforgettable experience.... the Medical Exam... the Interview but with God's grace we're now preparing for our first trip abroad and the destination is no other than USA the land of my dreams..... B U T the downside is our son can't go with us for the meantime because of some problem with his birth certificate..... but I have this knowing that soon he'll be joining us in US..... 

My dreams are finally taking shape..... the manifestation of my dreams..... Thank you Dear God!!!

this is the view at the back of our house..... a place for meditation...
God is so good that our house is located at the foot of the mountain.... we open our eyes every morning to nature's beauty.... :)

musing 002

03/01/2011

“Love God above all”, a line that really keeps me wondering for a long… long time….. How can I truly love God above all???? How can I??? I was taught that loving my neighbor who is sick… poor….suffering…. deprived is the same thing as loving God….. for God is present in them…. and would it mean that if I help these needy people I am already showing God that I love him above all things??? And that giving that hurts is what giving really is…. And so in my own way I have tried my best to do these things so that I can give my love to the Supreme One….. but oftentimes I feel guilty because I know I’m still lacking…. I can’t really, truly Love God above all things…. I can say that I truly love my husband, my son, my family, my friends…. But do I really love God above all things???

One day I came across the audio book eat, pray love and somehow it opened my mind to the beliefs beyond my religion…. It was just the narration of Elizabeth Gilbert’s journey thru life… it had touched me a great deal…. Somewhere in the book I read that when you ask for a teacher to lead you to God one will always be given…. All you need is just ask…. And so that the same day I prayed and asked God to give me a guide so that I’ll know him better and that finally I really can love Him above all…. After probably days I came across another book entitled “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” by Deepak Chopra, the book really enlightened me a great deal and I was so excited that I can’t stop myself from sharing this new found knowledge with my friends…. The books changed my outlook in life… I tried to become more considerate…. Compassionate and kind to all the people around me and especially to my students…. I had begun to understand my purpose in life… I started meditating … I enjoyed doing it …. It clears my mind…. It makes me feel good … though I can’t do it often as much as I want to because of my lack of time management I still try to do it as often as I can…… My life had greatly improved…..

I'm back after 6 years of silence....

And so again here I am writing about everything and anything….. I don’t have any idea what it is that I wanna write about but I know that I gotta write right now…..

I am just thinking about the manifestation of my desires… earlier I meditated and something unusual happened…. My body began swaying to some sort of music…. It feels like I’m exercising and it made me breathless and I kept on gasping for air…. It made me feel good because I can feel my veins stretching and after a while I feel numb all over especially in my throat…. I somewhat felt afraid too because I’m worrying that if I continue I’ll lose control and I’ll plunge into the unknown…. And what if I lose consciousness??? I’ve locked the room and if anything happens to me it would be a long while before anybody could see me….. And so I stopped but I again attempted because it really felt good and I’ve done it again… my body swaying back and forth….. Hopefully I’ll experience it again next time I meditate…..

I am not in the mood to blog nor do I have the luxury of time but I feel so compelled to write about this… I went to the mall earlier to buy something, but when I passed by the chocolate section I felt a very strong urge to eat chocolate… my mouth is dripping with saliva and my eyes were glued to the goodies (wehehehee) and though I tried with all my strength to fight the temptation… I found myself paying for a bar of Cadbury Fruits and Nuts…. And so when evening came I stared long and hard at my chocolate bar… with joyful heart I opened it with care making sure that not a particle of it would drop to the ground…I then took my first bite and was about to chew it when my eyes drop into the bar at my hands and voila… there and then white worms were squirming with glee … AHHHHHHH…. Yucky!!! I puked everything out including my intestines… hehehehe. Well good for me this haunting incident saved me from a forbidden chow and made me loathe chocolate bars hopefully for the rest of my life (hehehehehehehe). That’s all!!! Moral Lesson: Don’t eat worms. Hehehehehehhe.

Again, it’s Sunday. I spent the whole day in front of the PC doing everything I can think of. I went online for more than 5 hours, been hoarding music from Limewire.. It’s fun!!! Hehehehehe. I developed a strong liking to Switchfoot band. I like their music, so if you happen to be reading this nonsense blog of mine I highly recommend that you give Switchfoot a try. I promise that it will be worth your time *wink* don’t forget to listen closely to the lyrics of their songs. My top favorites are: THIS IS YOUR LIFE, DARE YOU TO MOVE, MEANT TO LIVE, and ONLY HOPE. Thanks to Jay for introducing me to this kind of music. My second favorite is WIRES of Athlete. Hehehehhehehe. Though I know I can’t sing… yeah as in literally I cannot sing, I can never carry even a single tune, yet I downloaded all the lyrics of these favorite songs of mine and sing along at the top of my voice with my lungs on the verge of bursting. Hehehehehe. Here’s a portion of the song:

This is Your Life (Switchfoot)

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead

Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken

Don’t close your eyes,

don’t close your eyes

This is your life and today is all you’ve got now

Yeah, and today is all you’ll ever have

Don’t close your eyes

Don’t close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be

When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Yesterday is a kid in the corner

Yesterday is dead and over

I just recently had a grand time reading the Prince of Tides. It’s a fat book and it took me 3 nights to finish it. It was the only thing that entertained me in the ship during our trip to Manila last month. So if you happen to take hold of this book read it and you’ll somehow relate to the characters and the lives they live. Well I guess there’s already a film for this novel but I haven’t seen it. A story of a mediocre man with a poet twin sister battling against insanity, an older brother fighting for his cause, a beautiful mother who lives in lies and make-believe, a shrimper father, and eccentric grandparents. Hehhehe. And of course I also had read a very thin book by Erich Seagal entitled Love Story hah… it’s quite boring at first but the end of the book made me cry non-stop, which was of course the cause of my puffy eyes the following morning.


Sometimes I do wonder if I am losing my zeal for my profession, I know I am not. Am I becoming an ineffective educator? I am far from perfect, but I take my work sincerely. I always bear in mind my accountability towards my students and that a fraction of their future depends on me. You will only understand the complexity of being an educator when you become one. Our work follows us even at home; after office hours supposedly spent with loved ones are used up in checking papers and preparing grades. Nights are ended with the thoughts of the lectures and activities for the next day, haunting us even in our dreams. Hehehe. And so when other people perceived us as relaxed individuals then maybe we should try trading places.

It’s Sunday and I am home relaxing and enjoying every minute of it. I have 101 things to do but I don’t have the heart to start working… never on a Sunday!!! I could never ever forget the story of the five balls from the book, SUZANNE’S DIARY FOR NICHOLAS written by James Patterson. The Story of five balls goes like this:

Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends and integrity. And you are keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls- family, health, friends, and integrity are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have the beginnings of balance in your life.

The past weeks were action-packed. September 8, was the birthday of Mama Mary and on this day one of my prayers was answered… my heart is of course full of thanksgiving… Mama Mary had interceded again; she had given me a wonderful gift on her birthday. Thank You Mama Mary!!!

Sometimes I can’t understand why husbands hit their beloved wives. A person very close to my heart called up crying; her worthless, drunk, drugged husband had slapped and kicked her. She was crying non-stop but has no plans of leaving the bastard… hah, but on the second day when her adored husband threatened her again, she fled scurrying to the loving comfort of her parents’ home. But as expected she is now again back in the loving arms of the good-for-nothing husband…. Hah!!! It irks me… but I am praying that may the angels be always with her to protect her and that in Gods goodness and power may her husband be enlightened. (This is the second time that the bastard hit her)

We never really can tell what tomorrow brings; everyday that comes is a pure surprise. How life can be like walking in a high wire, where a tiny misstep would mean the end. But I would like to imagine that the high wire I am trudging has a safety net beneath, where I will be given another chance to walk again when I fall. Our world was a little bit shaken with Kuya Jomar’s news that Ate Gigi was undergoing surgery; her gall bladder was in the process of being removed because of gallstones. It was again a point in our lives when prayer was our only refuge. I admire my husband, for his very first reaction upon hearing the news was to take hold of the rosary and implored heavens for the success of Ate’s operation and indeed after almost 2 agonizing hours Ate was out of the operating room safe and sound with only trace of Band-Aids for her incisions. God is really good!!!