Today I cried in front of my boss while begging for a loan to pay for my brother’s medicine. I just can’t stop the tears from falling after a very hard day of approaching almost everybody I know in trying to borrow for the much needed cash. And what’s more hurting is when the person you love most won’t even bother in helping you out.

I just don’t know why I feel so emotional. Maybe it was just brought about by the humiliation of being turned down countless times or the urgency of the pressing need. But the fact is I really cried non-stop in front of everybody at work and I find it quite appalling and shameful.

While I recollect the events of the day tears still sting my eyes. I know that, what I am crying about is a very petty thing, insignificant, nonsense. I grew up as a very irresponsible person. I never had helped my family in anyway financially. I spend all the money I earn for myself and self alone. I am care-free. When my mother airs her concern for money I would quote her with my favorite verse from the bible “Look at the birds in the sky they don’t have storage rooms or barns; God feeds them! You are worth so much more than birds…………. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have enough worries of its own.” which will of course start my mothers ranting and sermon.

Maybe, finally I am becoming responsible…. but seeing your younger brother sick and bloating from allergy would really make any sane person panicking. I dragged my sick brother to the hospital amidst my mothers protest that a dose of sugar will ease the bloating. But with the fear that the allergy would affect his internal organs, and with high hopes that the doctor in the hospital would be of help we of course found ourselves in the hospital. (Allergy was brought about by the antibiotics he had been taking for his swelling wound). He was then given a shot of anti-allergy and a prescription of a stronger antibiotic by a newbie doctor which of course was the cause of more bloating the following morning. So again my brother was brought to the hospital and another shot of anti-allergy was given but this time sans antibiotic for it was the culprit of the unwanted bloating. And Praise God my brother is better now and slowly recovering from the allergy. And so this happening was the cause of my need for cash earlier this day….

But of course the realization hit me that I am now a more responsible individual… hah at least this musing today had made me feel better and renewed. J