Again, it’s Sunday. I spent the whole day in front of the PC doing everything I can think of. I went online for more than 5 hours, been hoarding music from Limewire.. It’s fun!!! Hehehehehe. I developed a strong liking to Switchfoot band. I like their music, so if you happen to be reading this nonsense blog of mine I highly recommend that you give Switchfoot a try. I promise that it will be worth your time *wink* don’t forget to listen closely to the lyrics of their songs. My top favorites are: THIS IS YOUR LIFE, DARE YOU TO MOVE, MEANT TO LIVE, and ONLY HOPE. Thanks to Jay for introducing me to this kind of music. My second favorite is WIRES of Athlete. Hehehehhehehe. Though I know I can’t sing… yeah as in literally I cannot sing, I can never carry even a single tune, yet I downloaded all the lyrics of these favorite songs of mine and sing along at the top of my voice with my lungs on the verge of bursting. Hehehehehe. Here’s a portion of the song:

This is Your Life (Switchfoot)

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead

Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken

Don’t close your eyes,

don’t close your eyes

This is your life and today is all you’ve got now

Yeah, and today is all you’ll ever have

Don’t close your eyes

Don’t close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be

When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Yesterday is a kid in the corner

Yesterday is dead and over

I just recently had a grand time reading the Prince of Tides. It’s a fat book and it took me 3 nights to finish it. It was the only thing that entertained me in the ship during our trip to Manila last month. So if you happen to take hold of this book read it and you’ll somehow relate to the characters and the lives they live. Well I guess there’s already a film for this novel but I haven’t seen it. A story of a mediocre man with a poet twin sister battling against insanity, an older brother fighting for his cause, a beautiful mother who lives in lies and make-believe, a shrimper father, and eccentric grandparents. Hehhehe. And of course I also had read a very thin book by Erich Seagal entitled Love Story hah… it’s quite boring at first but the end of the book made me cry non-stop, which was of course the cause of my puffy eyes the following morning.


Sometimes I do wonder if I am losing my zeal for my profession, I know I am not. Am I becoming an ineffective educator? I am far from perfect, but I take my work sincerely. I always bear in mind my accountability towards my students and that a fraction of their future depends on me. You will only understand the complexity of being an educator when you become one. Our work follows us even at home; after office hours supposedly spent with loved ones are used up in checking papers and preparing grades. Nights are ended with the thoughts of the lectures and activities for the next day, haunting us even in our dreams. Hehehe. And so when other people perceived us as relaxed individuals then maybe we should try trading places.

It’s Sunday and I am home relaxing and enjoying every minute of it. I have 101 things to do but I don’t have the heart to start working… never on a Sunday!!! I could never ever forget the story of the five balls from the book, SUZANNE’S DIARY FOR NICHOLAS written by James Patterson. The Story of five balls goes like this:

Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends and integrity. And you are keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls- family, health, friends, and integrity are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have the beginnings of balance in your life.

The past weeks were action-packed. September 8, was the birthday of Mama Mary and on this day one of my prayers was answered… my heart is of course full of thanksgiving… Mama Mary had interceded again; she had given me a wonderful gift on her birthday. Thank You Mama Mary!!!

Sometimes I can’t understand why husbands hit their beloved wives. A person very close to my heart called up crying; her worthless, drunk, drugged husband had slapped and kicked her. She was crying non-stop but has no plans of leaving the bastard… hah, but on the second day when her adored husband threatened her again, she fled scurrying to the loving comfort of her parents’ home. But as expected she is now again back in the loving arms of the good-for-nothing husband…. Hah!!! It irks me… but I am praying that may the angels be always with her to protect her and that in Gods goodness and power may her husband be enlightened. (This is the second time that the bastard hit her)

We never really can tell what tomorrow brings; everyday that comes is a pure surprise. How life can be like walking in a high wire, where a tiny misstep would mean the end. But I would like to imagine that the high wire I am trudging has a safety net beneath, where I will be given another chance to walk again when I fall. Our world was a little bit shaken with Kuya Jomar’s news that Ate Gigi was undergoing surgery; her gall bladder was in the process of being removed because of gallstones. It was again a point in our lives when prayer was our only refuge. I admire my husband, for his very first reaction upon hearing the news was to take hold of the rosary and implored heavens for the success of Ate’s operation and indeed after almost 2 agonizing hours Ate was out of the operating room safe and sound with only trace of Band-Aids for her incisions. God is really good!!!

Today I am stuck here at home. I have been to the doctor earlier to seek relief from the misery of several restless nights because of a very persistent dry cough. After a week of trying every remedy to at least alleviate the agony of coughing uncontrollably … I’ve at last given up and sought the help of a Pulmonologist.

Being ill and sleepless is a pure torture. I just can’t begin to describe the anguish I have to go through every night… it feels like I am coughing my lungs out every 30 seconds, and the bouts of coughing will only stop when my body’s too dead tired to cough (hehehehhe) and it would be at about 3:00 to 4:00 in the morning, I can see the hand of the clock ticking every second away. I will then find refuge in my slumber only to be awakened again by a coughing fit, waking every sleepy nerve in my poor body. It is so frustrating and maddening that I have come to appreciate the value of good health.

And so after seven miserable nights, I finally found myself in front of a very good and kind Doctor who asked me series of questions, to help me out with my affliction. I was a little bit nervous since I am all alone, I am not feeling well and I realized that this would be the first time that I’m seeing a doctor without my mother around. Well the last time I’ve been to a doctor was about a decade ago, because of a very bad migraine. After the question and answer portion and with some poking and prodding with a stethoscope across my body the kind Doctor advised me to obtain an x-ray of my chest, since she's hearing a murmur in my back and she found a lymph node in my neck, which of course made me more panicky, with all the ghastly thoughts running across my mind. (Is it tuberculosis? Lung cancer? L) After some agonizing minutes the x-ray result came out… and the doctor pronounced that I am only suffering from bronchitis and I’ve got an extremely normal lungs. (PRAISE GOD!)

So here I am, taking some rest in front of the PC blogging my hours away. With the help of a strong dose of antibiotics, antitussive and anti-allergy I am in my way to a cough-free existence. Hehehehhehehehe.

Today I cried in front of my boss while begging for a loan to pay for my brother’s medicine. I just can’t stop the tears from falling after a very hard day of approaching almost everybody I know in trying to borrow for the much needed cash. And what’s more hurting is when the person you love most won’t even bother in helping you out.

I just don’t know why I feel so emotional. Maybe it was just brought about by the humiliation of being turned down countless times or the urgency of the pressing need. But the fact is I really cried non-stop in front of everybody at work and I find it quite appalling and shameful.

While I recollect the events of the day tears still sting my eyes. I know that, what I am crying about is a very petty thing, insignificant, nonsense. I grew up as a very irresponsible person. I never had helped my family in anyway financially. I spend all the money I earn for myself and self alone. I am care-free. When my mother airs her concern for money I would quote her with my favorite verse from the bible “Look at the birds in the sky they don’t have storage rooms or barns; God feeds them! You are worth so much more than birds…………. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have enough worries of its own.” which will of course start my mothers ranting and sermon.

Maybe, finally I am becoming responsible…. but seeing your younger brother sick and bloating from allergy would really make any sane person panicking. I dragged my sick brother to the hospital amidst my mothers protest that a dose of sugar will ease the bloating. But with the fear that the allergy would affect his internal organs, and with high hopes that the doctor in the hospital would be of help we of course found ourselves in the hospital. (Allergy was brought about by the antibiotics he had been taking for his swelling wound). He was then given a shot of anti-allergy and a prescription of a stronger antibiotic by a newbie doctor which of course was the cause of more bloating the following morning. So again my brother was brought to the hospital and another shot of anti-allergy was given but this time sans antibiotic for it was the culprit of the unwanted bloating. And Praise God my brother is better now and slowly recovering from the allergy. And so this happening was the cause of my need for cash earlier this day….

But of course the realization hit me that I am now a more responsible individual… hah at least this musing today had made me feel better and renewed. J

Today is but one of those ordinary days. Get up late, went to school late and blabber non-stop in front of my students. Life can sometimes be wearisome and boring. (*yawn*). Much as I wanted to blog everyday I really can’t do it because I am always busy (BUSY AS IN!!!). That is why Joey still holds the record for our top 1 pc game these days the Ever addicting Dynomite, Whew I just can’t wait to beat him really soon when I am not that busy.

Let me think of things that make me busy. Midterm exams are coming so I am busy thinking of the questions I’ll gonna give my students. And again because midterm is scheduled next week it means that I’ll be busy checking the piles of seat works, quizzes, assignments and exams. After checking of course I have to compute the grades because students’ grades are due one week after the exam. And to top it all I’ll also be busy reviewing my contestants for the upcoming National Tagisan ng Talino. We will be traveling all the way to Manila to compete because we garnered the gold medal for the Think Quest Competition in the recently concluded Regional Competition. J(We won because of our 101% prayer and a pinch of hard work).

Now I am considering if I am indeed busy. Or am I just imagining? I am a great procrastinator. Deadline is my inspiration; it is my motivation. I always feel busy but actually I am not accomplishing anything. Thoughts often crowd my mind, that I just can’t organize a thing. Ahhh this musing aint leading me anywhere so I better stop and clear my head.

I get fatter and fatter everyday and I aint doing anything about it. I’ll go jogging with Joey tomorrow, promise. (hehehehhehe..)

Classes are in full swing again…. I’m handling 31 units of load for this semester and it is not an easy task … but I am not complaining… I can deal with another 3 units or better yet 6. :)

In front of me are piles of examination booklets from the recently concluded prelim exam … I am handling 9 classes of 6 different subjects from analog and digital electronics to differential calculus… but I am coping really well (very, very well indeed). I personally do all the checking of my students’ test papers…and after hours of correcting, I am glad to discover that a good number of my students did well in the exam. What better consolation there is from the weariness and difficulty of teaching? To see your students learn and flourish. Ahhhh…this is purely exhilarating…..

As a teacher I have seen different levels of intelligence… and I have realized that indeed every person had a unique calling in life… most of the students that had come my way had a below average intelligence… maybe I am rating them unfairly and subjectively… but these students can’t even add negative numbers, they can’t correctly spell common words, and worst they can’t even understand simple instructions. So are these students hopeless? No I don’t think so… the only problem is, they haven’t realized what they really want in life. Do they lack the intelligence to really know what they want? Oh but I really don’t know… what are the factors that make a person intelligent? Is it the genes? The environment? or the milk? Heheehhehe… this musing of mine is not doing me any good. I am just sure of one thing though… that I am really doing my very best to impart the knowledge and wisdom that is bestowed upon me…. As the line of Spiderman goes: “with great power comes great responsibilities” (am I stating it right? Hehehhe).

I AM BECOMING HOPELESS!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

Sometimes nostalgia sweeps over me… reminiscence of the persons whom I lost in this lifetime makes me poignant. Until now I still miss my beloved Lola… after a year of her death my Lolo followed…. And then just recently my father-in-law passed away too. These persons have a special place in my heart and I can’t help but feel sad everytime thoughts of them come across me… I pray that they had finally found lasting peace… I just don’t know why I am writing about this here… well maybe I just feel really gloomy today…..and who cares?

I’m back to work since June 14 everything’s well… so far so good… got a new bunch of students and I’m quite happy to become part of their lives. Seeing their enthusiastic faces makes me eager to share everything I know and to really give the best education there is to offer. I just can’t believe that I really have this passion for teaching hehehhehehehehe… I just can’t imagine myself doing anything but teach (hehehhehehe).

Memories of Bali had finally ended… after months of really giving my full, undivided attention during the time slot of this Korean soap opera… I opted not to see the tragic ending. Well thanks to my friends in school for totally spoiling the suspense of it’s ending…hehehhehehe… at least it saved me from pain of its very sad finale… particularly since I had developed a very big attachment to Erika, Paulo and Ryan and that I often think that my husband looks like Paulo/Ryan (depending upon who makes Erika happy for the day) hahahahhaha (* Pathetic *sigh*sigh* I am doing a very big injustice to my Joey since my heart tells me that Joey’s far more handsome than these two Korean actors bwahahahahahhahahahhaha…. Oooooppppsss.. Don’t read this entry if you wouldn’t want to agree with me). Well anyway this soap opera had really entertained me during my bum days… and was the highlight of my day. I just wouldn’t wish for any rewind of this program because it will ruin the ending I have designed to believe in…

Well this writing had really brighten my day… this will be all for now… I’m really sleepy… ZZZZZZZzzzzzz…..

musing

I feel so gloomy today……it seems that a very big injustice was made…. over and done with a good cry and it made me feel better and renewed … I am now letting go of the pain and bitterness I experienced earlier...

I know I do need to re-examine myself… what do I want from life? Where would I want to be? And what would really make me happy?

I felt so low and dejected a while ago because my expectations were not met…. I am not hoping for anything big… just a little bit augment on what we were getting before would surely make our hearts overflow with gratitude and would motivate us to give the best shot we can muster … but no…. we were informed bluntly that we should not anticipate for anything.. For nothing would be given.

This is the very first time that I felt so dissatisfied and sad with the path I am trudging …. It’s not the quantity that matters for it’s very minimal... it’s the feeling that comes with every raise… the feeling of being appreciated and treasured.

But I can never let this discontentment linger… for this will surely ruin the zeal I have for my profession… with fervor I look forward for another school year of challenges and fun.

CHEERS!

Yesterday my parents celebrated there 35th year anniversary… I just can’t help but feel proud and happy for both of them.. and I am looking forward to their Golden Wedding Anniversary. J

Today I feel busy… been up early and was out of the house till afternoon. T’was not a very good day.. I was made to do things I am not comfortable of doing and was forced to mingle with people I really don’t know. Funny huh? Am really an introvert and I have a hard time blending with people…. but oftentimes I don’t have a choice, like what happened to me today… whaaaaaaa….. I feel tired and useless….

We have an earthquake this afternoon… a very mild one but I feel my chair swaying… so I ran out of my room only to find out that I am all alone in the house..hhehehehehe….

Today for a change I woke up early… and I really don’t know why I can’t force my self to go back to sleep…. Had been a bum for more than two months now and I’ve been getting used to it.. I am up till the wee hours of the morning playing all the games the PC had to offer, go to sleep when I can’t open my eyes anymore and drag myself out of bed to have lunch. My afternoons pass so swiftly that I barely notice it is dusk again. I hate going out of the house… but classes will be back on the 14th so I had to accept the fact that I’ll be working again. *sigh*

But the truth is….. I do look forward to this coming school year… another year of challenges… (as if hehehhehehe)… I will be meeting new faces…I will be teaching new subjects and I will again feel the sense of accomplishment and pride seeing my students grow… and become better persons hmmmmm… I will forever be a teacher by heart and soul…. I am trapped here by choice….

My long break had given me time to unwind, relax, and re-evaluate things in my life….Long had I stopped dreaming dreams … but now that I feel renewed it feels that all of the things I wanted so much in life are but a reach away… I am seeing things in a new perspective… and it makes me become more optimistic and animated in facing everything life has to offer.

CHEERS!!!

pond

pond

having a great time in a small pond... still in a very long vacation... classes will be back on the 13th of june... and i'm really bored doing nothing.

miss me?

after more than a month of being silent finally here i am back still alive and blogging...

for a month of course tons of things had happened.. the first blow is my father in-law died... after 4 years of under going hemodialysis because of his end stage renal failure he finally rested... he had a severe infection in his lungs and was the cause of his death. I was really saddened by his death because he was indeed like a father to me and i deeply cared for him.... we have our share of endless talks... but i know i should also be thankful for he finally rested and i pray that he finally found a lasting peace wherever he may be.

That poses a big question now..where do we go after death? well as a person born and raised as a catholic i do believe in life after death... seeing my father in-law's last breath had somehow console me in my fear of dying... he had a very peaceful death... he had drawn his last breath after our rosary prayer... well it was really painful... but i really have to be strong for my husband because i know it would be doubly painful for him. I believe that my father in-law is ready in facing death for he had been ill for four years and he is a very religious person.... what really frightens me about death is the thought of purgatory.. i had read somewhere that the suffering and pain in purgatory is incomparable to any pain and suffering we had gone trough in this life.... huhuhuhuuh... i just can't imagine how painful that is... sinful as i am... :( and that we should really pray for the souls in purgatory for our prayers would be of big help for this suffering souls.

Well another news is we already had closed down our computer rental business... it's not doing good so we have no other choice but to shut it down... and so we are broke. huhuhuhuuh....

And of course classes had ended... but still here i am reporting to school everyday because i have to finish the grades of my students and the reports... after this i am free as a bird... well indeed like a bird because i don't have anything to spend for vacation. hehehhehe.

today my mom is celebrating her 56th birthday! hope she'll have a wonderful day.

Happy Birthday Mamang!

How energizing it is to have the whole day for yourself… whole day to sleep.. eat and then sleep again.. how refreshing.. a beautiful life indeed. Hehhehehe.

I sleep 12 hours straight today and it’s refreshing.. how I wish I could sleep 12 hours daily hehehehehhe. I am a real lazy person… and I don’t have dreams.. plans nah..nothing!!!

It’s a national holiday last Friday because we celebrated the 19th anniversary of EDSA REVOLUTION… hmmmmnnn… fine… I hope and pray that Philippines will soon rise from its present condition… huhuhuhuuuhu.. it makes my heart bleed to see the situation that my beloved country is facing… but well Filipinos are survivors… and happiness is but just a state of mind… I just hope that my fellowmen will all realize this and will always see life in its brightest side… the way I do. hehehhehe

Sometimes I wonder if im indeed a worthless person… I always hear brilliant people say that one should always have dreams, plans etc. Honestly speaking I don’t have one for a long time… and I can’t clearly remember when did I stop dreaming… hehehhehehhe. I am really hopeless.

Well maybe i will start dreaming again starting today.. hmmmn... :)

My Mom is afflicted with Bell’s palsy her face is a little bit distorted… it pains me to see her that way and I pray that she’ll recover soon. She’ll be celebrating her 56th birthday on the 28th and hopefully by that time her face will be back to normal.

Everything is well for my brother Toto and I praise God for this… chatted with him and jean earlier and I’m glad to see them both happy.

Me I am not feeling so well… I don’t have appetite to eat these last few days and I’m feeling weak. I really don’t know why. Well I just had started with my exercise program again.. well maybe this is the reason why I feel tired and weak.

I’m a little bit busy in school this week. I have to finish the summative evaluation of the teachers under me. I have to come inside their classes and observe them.. hahahah… as if I am an expert. Huh! Well I don’t enjoy doing this job knowing that I am making them uncomfortable inside their class. But anyway I have to do it.

Of course I really have dropped from my masteral class but joriel is trying to motivate me to attend classes again saying that I’m not missing anything from class hahahah. But it really feels good to sleep non-stop on Saturdays and Sunday because when Monday comes you’ll feel refreshed and ready to face the whole week. Well maybe this is but just a sign that I’m really growing old.

That’s all for today… :)

it is monday and i am looking forward for a great week ahead. :)

it's barely a month before the final exams of the students... a long vacation is waiting. Yipeee!!

friday!!!

it's friday and tomorrow i'm totally free.... i finally dropped from my masteral class so i can sleep non-stop all day long.

The whole week went well.. nothing special... Monday would be valentines day... in time for our teachers' day... we'll be having some activities at school but at least it would mean rest from talking non-stop in front of my students.

I have been fascinated with tickle web quizzes.. hehehehe. It seems that i have taken all their offered quizzes online....

paranoia

I am afflicted with paranoia … I have this growing suspicion that people at the office are backbiting me… :) who cares? Hehehhehehe.

I have a very bad migraine last night which placed me in the verge of vomiting everything I have eaten earlier… well this sickness was triggered by my missed cup of coffee…. I was really trying to live a healthy life style… by cutting on coke and coffee… hehehehe. So today I am back with my cup of coffee and bottles of coke. (Happy!!!)

I have so many things in my head now… and I just want to pour things out to feel lighter. I have a very bad temper today…and I send Marwin out of the café because he’s not performing his job … he has this I don’t care charisma and he’s too lazy to do anything but chat chat and chat all day long. I am never a slave driver.. I am very humane in dealing with him and treat him like a younger brother… his laziness just get on my nerves today and have brought me ranting…

Finally I have decided to stop attending my Masteral class … it’s a waste of my worthless time
:(

I just don’t understand why can’t my husband support me with my plan of joining the business venture of my superiors… he changed his mind so suddenly and left me hanging in the process… ahhhh this is really unfair…

And a parent of one of our students came to school yesterday looking for me… he’s boiling hot with rage because he doesn’t want her daughter to join in our educational trip in Cebu City… he raved really nasty things to me… “that trip is useless”.. “my daughter won’t learn anything from that trip” blah blah blah… and of course I just keep cool and explained nicely that we are not forcing her daughter to join the said trip… her daughter has the option of doing a special project instead… and that if he can’t afford to send his daughter he has no right to say offensive things about our upcoming trip… oh my I am in the verge of losing my patience… hmmmmnn… it’s really sad… knowing that this person is also a teacher himself.

Well that’s all and thanks to blogging I feel good and renewed. :)

I am in the computer laboratory now and my students are performing their lab exercise.. so as usual here I am hopping from one blog to another… checking e-mails re-checking it, blink a bit and wish that I could lie down and sleep .hehehhe.

I am super duper sleepy now because I stayed up until 3in the morning… reading a big, thick novel with a very boring plot and an expected ending… he he he…and because of that novel I was absent in my first class today…

Today I feel really.. really lazy.. tired.. bored and I don’t feel like teaching.. as in I don’t have the motivation to go to work anymore… ahhhhhhhhhhh

It's really hot inside the computer lab now... one of the airconditioning unit is down....

I have nothing to write my mind is blank.... :(

our cozy place!

clutter of the house :) 

I was present in my Masteral class yesterday.. for a change... hehhehehe... my classmates are quite surprise with my attendance... well after months of being absent they’ve probably missed me.. hehhehehe (the truth is nobody noticed that I’ve been missing from class… including our professor. J)
Well I was so bored that I’ve chosen not to come back in the afternoon class. (loser!!!)

We again have a luncheon party in my parents’ house in honor of Lola with all the relatives around… I am sure most of them will see me as Miss Smarty pants… it’s just that I have nothing nice to say to them and I hate chit-chats…

Relative: how are you?
Answer: fine.
Relative: You have gain weight!!!
Answer: Thank You!
Relative: do u have baby now?
Answer: uh none.
Relative: why???
Answer: My husband and I are both barren…. Hehehhe.
Relative Again: huh!! you should consider adopting a baby.
Answer: ( no more answer because I am already gone without saying goodbye…)

So instead of having such kind of conversation I choose not to come near anybody I don’t like. We have a very big network of relatives… and there have always been conflicts… so I just don’t understand the point of them all seeing each other… to patch things up??? I don’t think so…

But in fairness some of my cousins are very close to me… because we grew up in one big house together… but some half aunts and uncles are not that nice… (half because my grandparents are both widowed… so before they were married they have children in their previous marriages. Lola had 2 sons with her first husband and Lolo had 2 sons and 1 daughter with his first wife. And so my mom is the product of the union of Lolo and Lola together with 3 uncles and 2 aunts… We are a very big family indeed! So to sum it all My Mom has 3 brothers, 3 half brothers, 2 sisters, and one half sister :)

Done some reading last night because I can’t sleep… and when I finally feel sleepy I can’t stop reading… hehehehhe… I was so absorbed with the novel I was reading that I lack sleep today and I feel really… really sleepy… (Yawn) .

I’ll attend my Saturday class tomorrow… promise!

Later today my brother will finally take the plunge… he’ll finally say his I do’s with Mary Jean the girl of his dreams… I wish them the best and pray that they’ll love and uphold each other till the end of their days.

How about me? I’ve been married for a year and yet I’m not pregnant… but it doesn’t bother me… because as of now I don’t long for a baby (i'm selfish)… oh but my hubby would really love to have a child…. But I believe that we are both not ready for an added responsibility…

Our friends and family keep on bugging us about having a baby… why can’t they just leave us alone???? We’re enjoying our life and that what matters most.. with or without a baby we’ll enjoy each others company…

We commemorated the death anniversary of Lola by offering a mass for her yesterday… of course I was late for the mass because it started at 5:15p.m. and my last class was until 5:30… everybody was around except for the family of Mama Ben for Yuan is still in the hospital recuperating from dengue fever. After the mass we all went to Golden Valley to visit Lola’s grave… And after which we have our dinner at Matoy’s… it feels good to be with family… We all dearly miss Lola… and being together makes me feel that she’s still with us… at least we’ll always have with us her wonderful memories.

Why am I so attached to my grandma? It is because she’s always been there… in my growing up years she’s been my support… I still can remember the time when I passed the engineers licensure exam… I have seen her eyes brimming with tears of happiness and pride while hugging me tight… And of course I can never ever forget our endless talks of her hardships in life… and it always fascinates me when she recalls the time of Japanese invasion… their hideouts… getaways…and how they survived it all.. There were never any favorites with her grandchildren for she made us all feel special and unique… She never stopped spoiling us all…. I was always a pain in the ass to my parents… and there came a point when my mom throw me out of the house and totally stopped supporting me… well of course I take refuge in my grandma’s care… and stayed with her for months until my mom realized what she’s missing.. hehehehe… Oh I can never stop recounting the wonderful times with my Lola… We are all with her during her last days… and even during those times she had shown us all how strong she is … ready to face death and welcomed it… I really miss Lola and I will forever do.

Though how much i tried not to be late to school... i can never make it.. i will always and forever be tardy..:( I realy would want to dig-out the reason why am i like this???? it is innate i guess... i still can remember during my elementary days that i'm always late for the flag ceremony... and the situation worsen during my highschool days... and well maybe i'll carry it out until i die. :(.
Why can't i become more responsible? to perform my duties in the best of my ability... sigh!

My Lola!

Today is the second death anniv of lola... and the pain of losing her still lingers... I miss her...SO MUCH...IT HURTS! If only i could have told her how much i love her... and thank her for showering us all with so much love...

Lola I love you!

rainy day!

Back to work again ... it's monday and it's raining....

Everybody's late for work today because it's really cold and it had been raining since yesterday.... i feel good when it rains...

Today my friend-cousin is celebrating her 26th birthday...Happy Birthday Ate Jojo! :)

Tomorrow would be the 2nd death anniversary of my beloved grandma... until now i still miss her ... she is a very special lady and she'll forever be remembered...

sunday...

It's sunday... and here i am blogging because i am still stuck here in the cafe. Marwin the person in charge here is still sick and was advised by the doctor not to report to work i just don't know until when.... huhuhuhuhuuhu... well i'll just close this place tomorrow... no choice... :(

My eyes are strained now... been staring at the monitor for the whole day... tired from playing different games in yahoo... i want to go home now but my customers are still busy chatting and i don't have the heart to send them out hehehehe...

The day was just fine...went to church to hear mass earlier with joey... then went to trisha's to eat burger.... skipped lunch... i'm really serious in my weight loss program :) hahahhaha...

I will pass by my parents house later to have free dinner... hopefully i'll still find something to eat there...

An outbreak of dengue had been reported here in our town... hmmmnnn... I pray that Yuan the 2 year old son of my cousin will recover soon from dengue..

Have to continue playing my scrabble game.

boracay 

boracay sunset 

Saturday

it's Saturday and I am in the cafe.... unluckily Marwin is sick today and I am stuck here... fortunately our professor in our 2 subjects is absent ... finally I’ve decided not to drop from my Saturday classes.....I will never ever quit. (This is the spirit!) hehehehehhehe... finished answering our take home midterm exam last night and I beat the deadline... it is exhilarating to be able to do something useful… and something that requires the use of my worthless brain cells…. I just pray that my professor would agree that my answers are indeed brilliant and worth reading. J

Often I wonder what to do with my life… bwaahahhahahahha… what’s wrong with my life and what would I want to do with it? How long is my stay in this beloved planet.. When would I die? I just don’t know if I would want to know the answers to these questions. …. Hmmmmnnn here I go again…

I always feel busy but actually I am not doing anything… thoughts always crowd in my head and that’s what makes me busy… anyway I’m beginning to blabber things here but I don’t know what to say..

I’m living a simple life and what’s wrong with it? I really try to make it so uncomplicated… easy and of course happy…. I have so many wants in life and of course it would always remain as wants… because I don’t need it…

Lately I’m beginning to feel low… :(

thursday!

how time flies :)... internet connection had been down here in school since monday and it was one of the main reasons why i have not updated my blog... when i am away from the PC things keep popping in my mind about the things i'll gonna write here.. but when i am finally here writing, my mind freezes and i can't remember anything i wanna write or the things i am thinking of writing are but nonsense...useless things hehehehhehe....

I was absent from my class again last saturday...went to the business site to have a final meeting with my business partners.. things are not that bright but there's no point of quitting at this point of time.....

friday again!

it's friday again... hopefully i'll be able to attend my masteral class tomorrow... last saturday i was absent again... i have a meeting with my business partners... we had discussed some important things about our soon to open business. We visited the site where the establishment will be put up and and the place is really breathtaking... a beautiful beach in a sleepy town...a mountain overlooking the beach, the nearest city is about an hour ride from it...

What is it with a body of water that makes people feel calm and peaceful?

I really have to be present in my masteral class tomorrow because it is our midterm exam... i am thinking of dropping out from my masteral class but i really don't know... it seems that i don't find any direction in my life now...

I need to have my cup of coffee now. :(

musing...

What would it take to make a person happy? material things can bring temporary happiness... for a couple of days maybe or a week the most...the state of being in love can also bring so much joy... well just until reality sets in that "being in love" phase is just passing... hmmmmnnn... why am i thinking this way?

Recently i just had realized something in life... that a lot of things we wanted so much can never make us happy... NEVER!
Gone with the Wind is one of the novels i will never ever forget... Scarlett's love for Ashley is actually non-existent... what a wasted effort to long for someone or something only to realize in the end that the longing is but just an imagination... hahahhahhahaha... this is liberating!

friendship

My friends are integral part of my life... these are the persons who make life better... they bring laughter, joy and love.... i often ask myself if i've indeed been a good friend to all those persons whom i hold dearly in my heart... i know i have my limitations...



I always believe that in friendship you give everything and expect nothing in return... it sounds too ideal but this is what i believe in... i am never thoughtful.. i don't give gifts... but i know how to stand by a friend... to give all the support that i have in his/her time of trouble... i am very loyal.... my friends enemies are my own enemies...

I believe that friendship is unending... amidst the time and distance the relationship will remain... so when i say i am your friend.. it's my way of saying that i'll stand by you through thick and thin...

it's friday!

it's friday and tomorrow is saturday... so what???? i still can't sleep non-stop because i have to be present in my masteral class... otherwise my professor will drop me from the class list because of excessive absences... well at least i won't be seeing my students 'til tuesday...because monday here is a local holiday..yipeeeee! and if you care to know why it's holiday... it is the foundation anniversary of my hometown where i am located now.. my beloved hometown...KORONADAL... Today we are all quite lonely in the office because we'll be giving a despededa party for jovy our cashier... today is her last day with us... she'll be leaving for dubai soon to find a better life and a higher paying job... i wish her all the luck and success... she's a very nice lady and i do like her... well anyway i don't abhor anybody at work... everybody is nice to everybody... but nonsense talks and gossips do sometimes hurt... Time for the party now so i have to leave....

sleepy!

i have nothing to write but i am in front of the pc so i just thought of opening my blog and write anything that comes to mind.... as usual i am late for work again... i just feel tired and all i wanna do is sleep... sleep and sleep... i had a headache last night..not so bad but still a headache anyway... My students in my one and only class today are all missing... so again lucky me... teaching is really tiring and having no student around is indeed a very big break... hehehhe...I feel full now...just finished munching a slice of chocolate cake from an officemate... and a fruit salad is still waiting to be eaten... hhehehehhe.What am i doing with my body? gosh i am growing bigger everyday... maybe it has something to do with my slowing metabolism... and i am not doing anything to shed off this extra fat... i really need to lose weight... huhuhuuh...help!i really have nothing to write now so i better stop and do something worthy.... hehehhe.

Morning!

I have to drag myself out of bed earlier this morning... but as usual i am late again for my first class... huhuuhuhuhu... i really should get rid of this habit... an addition to my new years resolution... to always be on time... to lose weight... blah blah blah... I feel hungry now... actually very hungry.. skipped dinner last night because i have nothing to eat when i passed by my parents house... and i am late for school so no time for breakfast today... oh but i am really hungry... Time for my cup of coffee.... :)

Happy New Year!

happy new year!
I am back to work again.... actually classes were back since yesterday and today is my second day at work for the year 2005... nothing new except for the new year of course... got no classes now.. my students in my one and only class today are all missing.... Lucky ME! I feel tired... and i don't feel like coming to class and teach,.. ha ha ha... this will pass of course.. maybe this feeling was just brought about by the loooonnng christmas break.. but i really don't feel like teaching.. it seems that all of my zeal for teaching was gone with the year 2004... huhuhuhuuhu... what will i do now? HELP!!!What should i look forward for this year 2005? more more blessings... maybe a trip abroad... or maybe to work there finally.. well who knows what is in store for me this 2005?